16 months clean
My drug of choice was meth, and by the grace of God and this program, I have 16 months clean today."
I’m 42 now, but when I was using, I’m pretty sure I aged in dog years. I spent years thinking I was the most productive person on the planet. I wasn't just 'cleaning' my house; I was performing forensic-level detailing on a single baseboard with a toothbrush at 3:00 AM. I remember once spent six hours 'organizing' my junk drawer. By the time I was done, I hadn't actually organized anything, but I had disassembled a remote control and categorized every screw by how 'shiny' it was. I thought I was a genius. In reality, I just looked like a frantic squirrel who’d had too much espresso. But we all know the funny stuff eventually stops being funny. The 'energy' turned into paranoia. I went from being the 'cool, productive' 40-year-old to someone who was convinced the neighbors were using drones to monitor my trash bin.
Coming into NA was humbling. In my forties, I thought I knew everything, but I didn't even know how to show up for a cup of coffee without a chemical assist. In these last 16 months, the miracles have been quiet but huge. It’s the miracle of actually having a 'normal' Tuesday. Doctor appointments, grocery orders, Amazon, and the laundry mat. The best part of being 16 months clean? I have my feelings back. The worst part? I have my feelings back. It turns out, when you aren't numbing yourself, you actually have to deal with life. But today, I do that with a sponsor and a network instead of a dealer and the leaches.
To the newcomer: it gets so much better. You get your dignity back. You get your sleep back. And eventually, you even get your teeth and your credit score back. I’m 42, I’m clean, and for the first time in my life, I’m actually 'productive'—and I don't even need a toothbrush and or a junk drawer to prove it. Thanks for being part of my recovery, and thanks for letting me share.