Alphabet of Addiction
The Using Years: A through M
- A is for the Anxiety that lived in my chest.
- B is for the Baseboards I scrubbed until my fingers bled.
- C is for the Curtains I lived behind, peeking out at a world I was terrified of.
- D is for the Dishonesty—I’d tell a lie when the truth would’ve been easier.
- E is for Empty... my bank account, my soul, and my fridge.
- F is for Frantic. Everything was a 9-1-1 emergency.
- G is for the Ghost I became.
- H is for the Hiding.
- I is for Insomnia. I didn't 'sleep,' I just 'collapsed.'
- J is for the Junk drawer I spent ten hours organizing while my life fell apart.
- K is for the Karma that finally caught up to me at 40 years old.
- L is for the Loneliness of being in a room full of people and feeling invisible.
- M is, of course, for Meth. The thing I thought was my best friend, but was actually my executioner."
The Turning Point: N through S
- N is for NA. I walked through those doors with nothing left.
- O is for Obedience. I finally stopped arguing and started listening.
- P is for Powerlessness. Admitting it was the first time I felt strong.
- Q is for Quiet. The voices of paranoia finally stopped screaming.
- R is for Relief. The heavy weight of the 'hustle' was finally lifted.
- S is for Sponsorship. Having a woman tell me, 'Sit down, shut up, and keep coming back.'"
The Recovery Years: T through Z
- T is for Trust. People actually believe me when I say I’m 'on my way.'
- U is for Uncomfortable. Because growth isn't always pretty, but it’s worth it.
- V is for Vulnerability. I’m 42 and I’m finally learning how to cry without a pipe in my hand.
- W is for Work. The steps are hard, but life is harder when you’re high.
- X is for the X on my calendar for every day I stay clean.
- Y is for Yesterday. A place I no longer have to live in or regret.
- Z is for Zzzzs. Actual, natural, beautiful sleep."