Higher Power
Hi everyone, my name is LuLu and I’m an addict. I’d like to start by expressing my deepest gratitude to my Higher Power, whom I call God, for keeping me clean just for today. I also want to thank the program of Narcotics Anonymous and the people in these rooms. Without this fellowship and the meeting; I know I wouldn’t be standing here, let alone living the life I have today.
I used to think “God does for me what I can’t do for myself” meant… God was gonna do my step work, pay my bills, and maybe text my sponsor for me too.
Like, I’d be sitting there stuck in some mess I created, like “Alright God… anytime now… fix it.”
Meanwhile God’s like, “I did fix it… I took away the thing you keep going back to.”
And I’m over here crying about it like, “WHY IS MY LIFE FALLING APART??”
In active addiction, I couldn’t leave nothing. Bad people, bad situations, bad decisions—I was loyal to dysfunction like it had benefits and a retirement plan.
Now in recovery, it’s different. I still get stuck. I still get scared to make moves. But I’ve noticed something… when I won’t move, stuff starts moving anyway. Doors close. People leave. Situations change. And it’s uncomfortable as hell—but it’s usually exactly what I needed.
Turns out God doesn’t always make things easier… sometimes He just makes it impossible for me to stay the same.
And every time I thought something was the worst thing that could happen… it ended up being the thing that pushed me forward.
So today, I ain’t waiting for God to do everything for me…
I just try to stay out the way enough so He can.